#I do plan on doing something horror related in the future!

[cupcakeslushie]

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Patreon Ko-Fi <— Commissions open!

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First of all I just wanna say, I am so flattered by the response from y’all for this little au!

This fandom is the best. ❤️💙🧡💜💛

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None of my AUs are based off existing fanfic! Only my own artwork and replies to asks! ✌️

The main story behind the this AU actually started from a simple concept of me re-watching Arcane and thinking how interesting Donnie would be as Jinx, and wanting to sketch a few ideas. This led to me wondering about the other boys and everything spiraled into splitting them up as follows: Donnie grew up with Draxum from the beginning as his personal test subject, driving him mad like Jinx. Leo and Mikey get separated from Splinter and Raph about five years after Splinter escapes with them. Leo gets kidnapped by the Foot clan where Shredder is alive and trains him as his pupil as revenge against Splinter. Mikey finds his way into to Big Mama’s loving arms until she gets bored of him and throws him into her Battle Nexus. Raph is the only one to stay and be raised by Splinter, who is more diligent in his teachings. He befriends April and they grow up together, training to become ninja. Eventually the boys find each other again.

Mikey’s rescue arc: The starting point of the entire story!

Leo’s rescue arc: Just completed! (Donnie’s arc up next!)

If you wanna read it on AO3! (Each new arc will be added, after they are completed!)

Shorts!

Stuck On You In The Leg

Leo's Cringe Moments 1, 2, 3

Don't ask Donnie about his past

Raph & Donnie bonding

Brutus Animatic - Leo and Raph's storyline

Donnie and April being silly

Usagi & Leo's history

Maps- Raph and April meet

Rise/Ew crossover

Distractions-ways the boys help Donnie on his bad days

Leo's concerns over Draxum

Leo & Splinter argument

Thirds- Donnie has a bad day

Raph Time- Something's been bothering Raph

Old Secrets- Mikey and Donnie get into a bit of a spat

Important tags are also in the search bar

#Sep!au life -a ton more everyday moments for the brothers

#Sep!au infodump

#Sep!au ref

#Sep!au future- Doomed timeline

#Sep!au fanwork - all the lovely works I've received!

Also massive timeline for anyone looking for a clearer explanation of events and don’t want to have to scavenge though all the mess of my previous replies!!!!!!

BOYS AGES

Warnings: This story has plenty of humor and family fluff but it can and will get pretty dark, please take care when checking it out. TW for child abuse, blood, horror, experimentation, self harm, mental health issues, abandonment issues, mind control, dark humor, and language (mostly from Mikey and Leo lol).

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As far as anyone looking to make something based of the Separated AU, I am totally okay with most anything as long as credit is given but I will not be chill with tcest of any kind. I also ask you include no romance aside from the confirmed ships.

You can absolutely make anything that covers the things I��ve already mentioned in my replies, or if it’s just fam shenanigans, hanging out and dealing with recovery. I would love to see it and share it! You don’t have to bother with asking for the O.K. in that case. But I do ask that you maybe hold off on anything anyone might consider plot related or that’s not been addressed in the asks, and would be mostly speculation, cause I’ll be covering a whole host of before, and after reunion events, either in quick sketch comps or comics. If you’re still unsure you can always ask me. I would consider myself pretty easy going, so I’ll probably only say no if I think it’s something I have plans for, or if it really just doesn’t fit with the feel of the AU. I’m more likely to say yes if you have an idea of what you wanna do. Please, be specific in your ask, if you can. I don’t like telling people flat out no, so the more info I have the better!

That’s all for now! Again, I wanna thank y’all for being so awesome. I look forward to causing you all pain in the future!

[chronic-boogara]

𝚂𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜: 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 2

more slasher content !!! might make this whole blog slasher related..i’m tempted. you can find part one here. enjoy some more headcanons.

stu macher

•stu is a really chill person to be around. he gets along with everyone and is down for literally anything. it is not often he says no to something

•he likes to have fun. so as his s/o you’re going to be attending a lot of parties , gatherings , smoke circles and bonfires. if you aren’t down with all the social stuff don’t worry he’ll let you nap in the car. he just doesn’t want you to be away from him

•loves to laugh! as stupid as his humor/jokes is/are it’s nice to have a good laugh sometimes. he tends to use humor instead of dealing with the horror of the real world so it’s a bit of fresh air

•sharing is caring. you want his favorite sweater ? have it. you want to borrow any of his jewelry! don’t return it , it’s yours now. stu finds it cute when he sees you wearing anything of his.

•he’s a free spirit. stu is just living his life. he doesn’t have any big plans and you will not catch him stressing about the future. he likes to live one day at a time. so dates are often spontaneous and unplanned.

•he’s literally a giant basically. he’s tall and that means getting things in high places. that is a plus

•stu embraces imperfection and makes the best of it. this is especially nice for someone who is very self conscious or anxious. he is able to calm you down and slowly help you come to terms with your issues and see the bright side

billy loomis

•insanely good at knowing what you need. he will make you a snack the minute you start to feel hungry , he can tell when your period is coming before you , knows your body better than you do. it’s almost supernatural

•billy has a hard outer shell but once you’ve been dating a few months it’ll crumble. in reality he’s a big sweetheart that wants to love and to be loved. whisk closed doors he is the sweetest most attentive boyfriend you have ever had

•he’s pretty smart. he doesn’t like to apply himself a lot of the time but if you need help with homework he is very helpful. if he wanted to he could probably go to a pretty decent college. but he’d rather stay back and satisfy his blood lust and keep going home to you

•while he is willing to go out and socialize he is much more of a home body. if you like to stay in your room and watch movies all day then billy is your perfect match. he doesn’t like people much so he’d rather relax in his room

•has lots of jewelry, including piercings. this one is self indulgent since i love my piercings. as long as you disinfect them before you give them back he allows you to wear them. his rings are too big for your fingers usually but they’re really cool to wear on a necklace

lester sinclair

•he is such a wholesome sweetheart. lester is literally the picture perfect hallmark boyfriend minus the fact he lives with murderers and is a little trash boy. anything you want or need he will get it.

•you’re his first partner so you happen to be a lot of his firsts. it’s adorable seeing his reaction to having his first kiss.

•he likes to do things he doesn’t like with you. such as baths, chores, cooking.if you’re there with him the experience will be 100% times better

•he’s a simple man at heart. it does not take a lot to please lester. he’s a sweetie who just needs some love

bo sinclair

•honest and hardworking. when he says he’ll do it he will and better believe hes going to get it it done damn well. he will NOT break a promise

•as a family man he believes blood is thicker than water. once you start dating he treats you as one of them.he will give you a sense of belonging and meaning to your day to day life.

•he always feels the need to “be the one that wears the pants” in the relationship. as annoying as this can be having him do a lot of the physical labor is a blessing

[sugars-fluffy-escapes]

Movie Nights and (rather one-sided) Tickle fights

Spencer Reid x Shy!ND! Reader

*Sequel to Coworker Bonding + Part 2 to Sensibility and Its Open Doors*

SFW; Brief angst, MEGA fluff, very brief hints at a possible future romance

Words: 5395

Summary: It's been quite a few months since Spencer encouraged Y/N to open up to him and the team, and since he discovered their giggly secret, and a budding friendship has definitely been forming between the two. When the two of them plan a movie night, despite being in their own home, Y/N struggles to let themself unmask in front of Spencer, and finds themself feeling ashamed in moments the mask ends up slipping. Of course, Spencer is having none of it, and sets out to cheer up his friend, while challenging their negative self talk brought about by past mistreatment related to their neurodivergence.

Warnings: Shame, self doubt, insecurities about being ND, talks of past ableism experiences, swearing, lots of tickles (Spencer's RUTHLESS in this one ajasksjdk- Still a sweetheart, but also a meanie)

DISCLAIMER: This is inspired by my experiences as a neurodivergent individual and how ableism I experienced in the past can jump out and cause a lot of shame, even in an environment where I feel safe. Not everyone who's neurodivergent experiences what the reader in this story experiences. I just hope to provide some comfort for my fellow ND people who struggle to feel safe unmasking in environments that are normally safe for them because the resurfaced shame feels overwhelming.

It wasn't often that the members of the BAU got to have genuine moments of peace, but when they happened, everyone took full advantage of their free time. Y/N had nervously invited Spencer over to watch one of their favorite movies, and felt over the moon when he'd accepted. After a good hour of anxiously working to make sure their house looked presentable and tidy, they changed into their pajamas and set out some snacks.

The sound of the doorbell made them jump, and they took a brief second to calm their rapidly beating heart before quickly rushing to answer the door. Spencer stood there with a smile, wearing a sweatshirt and pajama pants, and his hair freely hanging where it wanted to. Something about seeing their coworker and friend in such a casual setting made them grow a lot more timid. They'd always thought he was cute, and the casual environment only seemed to increase that thought tenfold.

"Hi, Y/N." The adorably awkward wave made their heart flutter.

"Hi... hi, Spencer," they greeted with a shy smile, quickly moving aside so he could walk in.

After they closed the door, they let out a small squeak of surprise when Spencer pulled them in for a hug, something they'd previously said they were alright with him doing, and quickly returned the embrace, squeaking again when the taller agent picked them up. "Spehehenceher!"

"I missed you!" He exclaimed, spinning them around a few times and making them laugh harder.

"Youhou sahahaw mehe ahat work!"

"And I still missed you~"

"IhI missed youhou too!"

Spencer set them down again, but held them in the hug for a bit longer, much to Y/N's delight. They hummed and giggled when he gave them a squeeze, and did the same in return. Squeeze-hugs made them feel incredibly safe. When the two moved apart, and Y/N saw the smile on Spencer's face, they couldn't help but smile back, eventually needing to avert their eyes when they grew too shy.

"I've... um... I got the movie set up and I prepared some snacks."

"Rocky Horror Picture Show, right?"

"M-Mhm. One of my favorite roles of Tim Curry's is his character in this movie," Y/N stated, their smile growing as they led Spencer to the couch. "He'd already been performing the live musical for quite some time before starring in the film. This is definitely number one for me in terms of characters he's played. My second pick would be his role as Pennywise."

"In the IT miniseries based on the 1986 novel by Stephen King," Spencer added in acknowledgement, noting the way Y/N's eyes seemed to light up at his response.

"He was terrifying in that role," Y/N expressed with a grin, their hands beginning to flap. "His role in Clue was hilarious. All of the actors were. The improvised scene from Madeline Khan had me crying laughing. It was the one improv line in the movie and it was an absolute gem. I love the Clue board game so much. I haven't played in years but Miss Scarlet was my favorite to play as. The elegance and beauty and brains... B-But, back to the movie for tonight. Sorry, I... I-I rambled a bit, didn't I? Oh gosh... I, uh... I started stimming a bit aggressively... I'm sorry. I ramble too much..."

Hearing the way the excitement faded from their voice, replaced by self consciousness and uneasiness, made Spencer's heart sink. He loved hearing Y/N infodump to him. After all, he could go on for hours about different topics if people let him. Y/N was always the most engaged in listening to him when he suddenly dropped several paragraphs of information in the middle of a case.

"Y/N, you don't need to apologize for rambling," Spencer insisted. "It's cute."

"Cute!?"

"Yes. Cute."

Heat had risen to and radiated off of Y/N's cheeks at that statement, and they were feeling lucky they were already eye contact-averse in that moment. "S-Spencer..."

"I mean it! You're super charismatic and passionate, Y/N. Those are attractive traits. Passionate rambles about your interests aren't a bad thing. Like I said, it's very cute."

"Stop it..."

"Do you not believe me? You've heard me ramble about different things plenty of times. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not a genius with an eidetic memory," Y/N reminded him. "I get off track when I tell stories and bounce around from topic to topic before getting back to what I was initially taking about, I forget dates and times, the only things I remember well are because I hyperfixate on them to an unhealthy degree. I've practically memorized this film by now..."

"What makes you think that isn't endearing?"

"Repeated instances of being shamed and made to feel like I'm annoying and stupid, maybe... It's happened so many times, a-and I feel like they were right... And, my stimming... I... I'm afraid of being stared at, or shamed, or infantilized..."

"Y/N, you shouldn't be embarrassed about stimming either. Everyone stims to some degree. Just because you need to do it much more often doesn't mean you are any less of a person."

"S-Spencer..."

"Your brain and nervous system using stimming to regulate as often as they do is perfectly okay. I notice the tension and nervousness in your body language practically disappear when you stim. You get so much clarity and focus from it. Seeing you stim when you're happy or excited is amazing because I can see the joy in your whole body. Why is that a bad thing?"

"It just is, Spencer... I get really embarrassed when I vocally or physically stim because all my life- I'm doing it again... This is why I masked for so long... I-I..."

"Y/N, cut it out."

"Spencer, I'm being serious I-I... w-why are... why are you looking at me like that?"

Spencer's face was dead serious and Y/N suddenly felt butterflies in their stomach. "S-Spencer?" Y/N's voice came out high pitched and nervous.

"If you think I'm gonna sit here and let you continue to trash talk yourself because other people wrongfully shamed you for being neurodivergent, then you are sorely mistaken."

"Th-They w-weren't wrong, S-Spencer..." Y/N stammered.

Spencer leaned forward, the serious look not leaving his face. Y/N's breath hitched, unable to tear their eyes away from his piercing gaze.

"Admit your rambles are charming and that your stimming is nothing to be ashamed of."

"No."

"I'll make you," Spencer warned with a raised eyebrow. Y/N knew that look, but they took the route of stubbornness.

"You won't do shit," they said boldly.

"Oh really? Does me, tickling you until you're screaming with laughter, are too hypersensitive for your own good, and unable to stop giggling for the rest of the night, sound like I 'won't do shit?'"

Y/N squeaked, but the thought immediately made them giddy and they silently cursed how easily their lee moods came about. In another bout of boldness, they scoffed and folded their arms.

"You won't convince me, Spencer."

"That a yes? You really want me to tickle you senseless right now?"

The genius sat there patiently and waited for Y/N to affirm his question.

"Like I said. You. won't. convince me," Y/N repeated, giving Spencer the clear answer he was waiting for.

A surprised shriek left their lips when Spencer swiftly pulled them back across his lap and grabbed their wrists in one of his hands. He held them against the cushions above Y/N's head and they felt the cold air from where their shirt had ridden up the slightest bit. Y/N's eyes were wide and their heart skipped a beat when Spencer leaned closer.

"I'm not so sure your statement will age well, Y/N," he whispered. "Since your last lee mood that I was around to quell, I've done some serious research on the best ways to get you flustered and squirming profusely. Granted, I already knew a lot of the techniques, but I found some really good ones that'll keep you squeaking~"

The butterflies only grew more intense after hearing those words and Y/N knew their face was heating up. They squirmed, only to squeak when Spencer teasingly wiggled his fingers. "Wahahait, h-hehehey!"

The agent let out a small shriek as said wiggling fingers got closer. When Spencer paused his hand, he noticed the look of near disappointment in Y/N's eyes.

"Oh no, you weren't expecting me to just dive into this without building up some anticipation, were you~?"

"Spehehencer Reheid, I swehear tohoho Gohod." Y/N's warning didn't sound so menacing through their giggles.

"Is that a yes? You were?"

"Y-You're ehehevil!"

"Am I really? Or, am I just good at making you giggle?"

"Thihis ihisn't f-fahahair!"

"You know, I still haven't found all of your ticklish spots. Those won't be hidden for much longer."

"D-Dohon't youhouhou dahahare," Y/N squeaked out, only to shriek with nervous giggles when Spencer wiggled his fingers close to their tummy.

"Your reaction just then indicates this is a major ticklish spot."

"N-Nohot t-truhuhue!" Y/N argued. "I-It ihisn't, ihihit IHIHIHISN'T TRUHUHUHUHUE! SPEHENCEHER!"

The sensation caused Y/N to arch their back before collapsing back down, high pitched giggles escaping from their lips almost immediately.

"Still gonna tell me it's not true?" Y/N couldn't answer, instead opting for trying to stifle their giggles by biting their lip. It only took the genius looking them in the eyes to make them squeak and look away, their giggles only getting louder. "Someone looks giddy~"

Spencer let go of their hands in order to attack their sides, grinning when Y/N predictably made no attempt to push away his hands, instead switching between partially hiding their face while kicking their legs, and stimming by rapidly moving their fists toward and away from each other.

"Have I convinced you yet?"

"Nohoho! IhI'm nohot chahanging my mihihind!"

"Is that a challenge, Y/N? Because you and I both know it's one you won't win. You're too ticklish to win. Then again, the fact that you like this might work against me. I'll just have to tease you a lot more. I know for a fact that teasing is your biggest weakness. Your face gets so hot that I can feel the heat coming off of it, you can't even look in my general direction, your voice goes much higher in pitch, and you laugh harder. However, I also know for a fact, that you love being teased."

"Nohoho IhI dohohohon't!"

Y/N was lying through their teeth and both them and Spencer knew it. "Not so convincing when you're being tickled, are you?"

"Fuhuhuhuck youhouhouhou!"

"Oh. Did I strike a nerve?" Spencer teased. "I know every. single. ler trick in the book. You are most definitely going to get familiar with each one~"

Y/N had a sudden moment of boldness despite how much Spencer had flustered them and rapidly poked their coworker's sides, making him flinch and bring his arms in to shield himself, while Y/N quickly jumped up with a squeal.

"Oh you are in for it now," Spencer chuckled, chasing after his giggling friend, who screamed every time he got close to catching them.

It took less than a minute for Spencer to corner his friend, and he smirked as he moved closer, wiggling his fingers. Y/N could not stop squeaking and giggling.

"What's so funny?"

"N-Nohothihihing!"

"Are you that eager for me to use these wiggling fingers on more of your ticklish spots?"

"Sh-Shuhush! Shushshushshuhuhush! Shuhut uhuhuhuuup!"

Spencer paused his hands right next to their sides, a squeal leaving their lips, before picking them up and slinging them over his shoulder as they shrieked. Y/N was giggling loudly and lightly kicking their legs. "Spehehencer!"

"Looks like the tickle monster caught you."

The absolute deadpan delivery of that statement made Y/N practically melt as they squirmed in his grasp. "Lehehet mehe goho!"

"You totally let me catch you," Spencer said with a grin.

"N-Nohot truhuhue!" Y/N squeaked, a high pitched screech leaving their mouth when their friend gently clawed at the back of their thigh. "SPEHENCEHEHER! Thahat ihihihisn't fahahahahahair!"

"Quite the contrary, Y/N. That sneaky poke to my sides you pulled, you did so hoping I'd retaliate more, didn't you?"

"M-Mahaybe?"

"Well, since you're being so cheeky about it, I'm totally gonna amp up the teasing." Spencer muttered playfully, moving Y/N from over his shoulder and into his arms bridal style so he could see their face. "Though I think that was your intention, wasn't it?"

"Noho!"

The coy, giggly smile on Y/N's face gave their true answer away immediately and Spencer couldn't help but grin as he set Y/N down on the couch and hovered over them.

"Do I need to analyze you? You know I will. I know I'm right. How ruthless of a ler do you really want me to be?"

"Y-Youhou suhuhuper gehehehehenius prohihofihileheher jeheheherk!"

"Judging by how much you're hurling insults right now, you definitely want me to be a ruthless ler. Within my standards of ruthless, of course."

Spencer was simultaneously the sweetest and most wicked ler ever. The combination of the softest tickles with the occasional squeeze to certain ticklish spots, his attentiveness and diligence about making sure Y/N was comfortable, and his perfected teases flustered Y/N beyond belief, but they loved every second of it. Every so often, Spencer became a scarier ler than usual, and it left butterflies in Y/N's stomach every time. He'd put on a dead serious face and amp up the teasing to nearly unbearable levels, all the while, never increasing the intensity of the actual tickling. Again, they loved every second of it.

Y/N shrieked when he wiggled his fingers and giggled nervously again, unable to help their sudden reaction of shielding their torso. When Spencer suddenly spidered his fingers on their thigh with the most gentle motion, their hands shot up to their mouth as they screamed with laughter.

"Tricked you~"

The giggly agent's laughter grew less intense and much softer when Spencer switched to slowly tracing gentle patterns on their abdomen.

"Hanging in there?" He asked, the concern visible in his eyes.

The giggly agent felt their heart melting over how sweet he was. Y/N nodded timidly, squeaking when he poked their navel.

"I seem to have found a giggle button, haven't I?"

"Nuh uhuhuh!"

He repeated the same action several times, making them shriek. "Oh this is definitely a giggle button~"

"Shuhut uhuhup!"

Despite their verbal response to his tease, Y/N felt warm and fuzzy from the endorphins already, their body language betraying them for the millionth time. When their friend rapidly but still gently as ever wiggled their fingers, they squealed loudly.

"You know what the tickle monster's craving right now?"

Y/N let out another squeak and shook their head, giggling nervously. Spencer smirked and leaned down slowly, and Y/N's eyes widened with realization. "D-Dohon't y-youhouhou d-dahare!" They squeaked out, before their back arched and they screamed with laughter at the sensation of a raspberry on their navel.

"Something tickling you?"

"Fuhuhuck youhouhou!" Y/N exclaimed, screeching when Spencer blew raspberries again. "Spehehenceheheher!"

"I think you might be the most ticklish person on the planet, Y/N."

"S-Shuhuhut uhuhuhup!" Y/N squeaked, squirming, stimming, and giggling uncontrollably.

"Am I flustering you~?"

"N-Noho!"

"I'm not? You're telling me that the heat that's now spread to your ears," Spencer paused to wiggle his fingers on Y/N's ears, eliciting even more squeaky giggles from them, "and the fact that you've barely looked at me, not even into my eyes, just at me, is from something completely unrelated to what I'm doing right now?"

"Shshshhh!"

"You know, your body language is completely betraying everything you've been saying. While I admit I encouraged your lee mood with the initial playful threat of tickling you senseless, I can't help but think you've been in a lee mood all day. Let me ask you this. Have you been in a lee mood all day?"

Y/N wanted to deny he was right but opted for squeaking and covering their face instead. Spencer asking the question at the end of his statement was nothing but a tease, since he already knew the answer.

"Come on, Y/N, don't hide that adorable face," Spencer insisted. "You're gonna miss your favorite tease~"

Another squeak left Y/N's lips and they slowly uncovered their face, giggling nervously when their friend slowly spider-walked his fingers up toward their ribs.

"I think they're gonna get you~"

"N-NOHOHOHOOOOO! Nohohot fahair! Thahahat's nohohot FAHAHAIR!"

The giggling agent had only ever once admitted that the sing-song voice teasing was actually their favorite and Spencer had never forgotten it.

"Uh oh~ They're getting closer~"

Y/N squeaks became very high pitched and they squirmed, instinctively shielding their ribs with their arms and stimming.

"That's not gonna stop me~"

"Shuhuhuhush!"

He expertly moved around Y/N's arm shield and gently attacked their ribs, their laughter leaving their mouth in the form of a loud cackle before reducing to high pitched giggles.

"What's so funny, Y/N?" Spencer teased. "What could possibly be making you squeal and giggle so much? Tell me. I haven't got a clue why you're laughing right now."

Y/N's face was burning from being so flustered and they hid behind their hands again, certain that any accidental eye contact with their friend at that point might just kill them.

"Come on, Y/N~ Tell me what's giving you the giggles."

"Fuhuck ohoffff!" Y/N squeaked.

"Given the predicament you're in, I don't think back talk is the wisest decision, Y/N."

Y/N began nervous giggling when Spencer lifted one of their legs and squealed when he spidered his fingers on the back of their thigh.

"Nonononohohoho! SPEHEHENCER!"

The sensation caused Y/N's laughter to come out in bursts of loud and high pitched squeaks followed by gasping and giggling.

"P-Plehehease!"

"I have a strong suspicion that I still haven't found all your worst spots yet. You gonna tell me where those are?"

"Nehehehever!"

"Suit yourself. I know how to find them~" Spencer sang, moving his wiggling fingers closer to the back of their knee.

"Nohohot gohohonnaha wohohork!" Y/N argued in a high pitched voice, before letting out short screams and snorting when Spencer spidered at the spot right above their knee with a knowing smirk.

"Seems like it's working~"

"Youhouhouhou ahabsolohuhute smahahartahahass!"

"You're awful bold for someone so flustered by a two syllable word, Y/n." Spencer released their leg before quickly and gently drilling his thumbs into their hips. Y/N shrieked with laughter, squirming from the sensation and almost too giggly to realize that after ten seconds, Spencer had paused his hands.

"You doing okay?"

"M-Mhm," Y/N giggled, catching their breath.

"Ready to admit it?"

"Nehever."

"Never? Are you implying I should just tickle you forever then?"

They squeaked when they saw him teasingly wiggling his fingers and giggled helplessly and timidly.

"I'll forever love that this gesture alone can make you giggle like that. You know, given just how much teasing and anticipation affects you...one of these days I'll do nothing but that and see just how much it tickles you."

Y/N would never admit that they thought that was a good idea, but Spencer could see the way Y/N's eyes lit up and he made a note to try it later.

"Thihihis ihihis MEHEHEAN!"

"Is it~ Do you really think it's mean? I know you're too flustered to answer that question truthfully, but you and I both know what your answer is."

He slowly wiggled his fingers toward certain spots to gauge Y/N's reaction, chuckling when they squirmed and avoided eye contact much more than they usually did, clearly growing much more flustered, which he hadn't thought possible. The moment his hand wrapped around Y/N's ankle, they couldn't help their nervous squeak.

"Oh? You're in trouble~" Spencer teased, catching their other ankle and wrapping an arm around them.

Y/N was hoping, albeit not very hopefully, and not really hoping at all, that the sensation wouldn't be as bad as they anticipated. It was way worse. They snorted, shrieking with laughter and trying to pull their feet away, though Spencer noticed they weren't even actually trying.

"SPEHEHEHENCEHEHER!"

"I'm barely moving my fingers and you're screeching," he noted with a laugh of his own.

"PLEHEHEHEHEASE!"

"Please what? Keep tickling you? Gladly~"

"THIHIS IHIS SOHOHOHO MEHEAAN!" Y/N whined.

"I think you need to work on being more convincing."

Spencer spidered his fingers and Y/N screeched, squirming and hiding their face, at that point having lost count of how many times they'd done so, but still making very little effort to actually free their ankles. A good few minutes passed before he let their ankles go. When he moved his hands to their sides again, he reached closer to their back and knew he'd found the death spot as soon as Y/N's eyes widened almost fearfully. The instant Spencer spidered his fingers, a very high screech left Y/N's mouth before they had covered it with their hands again.

"Those are the highest pitched giggles I have ever heard from you," Spencer teased, wiggling his fingers even faster.

"NONONONOHOHOHO! PLEHEHEASE!" Y/N cried, tears of mirth forming in their eyes from laughing so hard.

"You seem really giggly, Y/N. You wouldn't happen to be ticklish, would you?"

"Youhou're suhuch ahaha fuhuhucking jeheheherrrk!"

"Insults again? Don't make me sing the word while tickling every weak spot I've discovered so far," Spencer warned playfully, pausing his fingers to let Y/N catch their breath. "You know I'll increase the teasing tenfold. Last chance. Admit it."

Y/N had never had such intense stomach butterflies in their life. Their eyes widened, but they didn't back down. In truth, they were hoping he would do exactly what he warned he might do, and he knew full well what Y/N's answer was going to be.

"No way in hell," they whispered. Spencer chuckled and Y/N swore they could see an evil glint in his eyes.

"Suit yourself." He shrugged, before leaning closer with a deadpan expression. "This is gonna tickle so badly."

The next five minutes consisted of Y/N screaming with laughter as Spencer showed no mercy with his playful attack, all the while singing and saying the dreaded word as many times as he could along with other methods of teasing. The worst (best) part about it? All of those five minutes consisted of tickling that never got more intense or rough than wiggling fingers and gentle clawing.

"Aw~ What's the matter~?" Spencer cooed. "Is this tickling you~?"

Tears were streaming down Y/N's face from laughing so hard and for a moment Spencer was worried, until Y/N briefly looked up and he could see the joy in their face, despite how flustered he knew they were. He sang the word a few more times and Y/N shrieked. The moment he spidered his fingers on the side of Y/N's knee, Y/N screamed.

"Woah! What's got you screaming like that~? Are you ticklish~?"

"S-SPEHEHENCER!" Y/N cried, muffling another screech with their hand before weakly grabbing at Spencer's wrists. "P-PLEHEASE. IHIHI CAHAN'T! IHIHIHI'M G-GOHOHONNAHAHAHA DIHIHIHIEEE!"

"All because I keep using the word 'tickle?'"

Y/N whined through their laughter, too flustered to do much else besides laugh uncontrollably. Their giggles grew hiccupy and higher pitched.

"Who knew one little word would make you this shy," Spencer teased, catching one of their ankles in his hand again and spidering his fingers over the intended spot. "There's that adorable snort."

"SPEHEHEHEHENCER!"

"Do you believe me about your rambles being charming and your stimming being nothing to be ashamed of now, or am I gonna have to tickle you all night?"

"YEHEHEHEHES!"

"Yes what? Tickle you all night~?"

"YOUHOU KNOHOW WHAHAHAT IHIHI MEHEHEHEHEANT!" Y/N squeaked, hiding their face in their hands before screeching and weakly trying to tug their foot away. "YEHEHEHEHES IHIHIHI BEHEHELIEVE YOUHOUHOU!"

"Do you really? Are you just saying that because this tickles too much? Is the teasing too much to handle~?"

"BOHOHOTH! BUHUHUHUT I-IHIHI REHEHEALLY DOHOHO! IHIHI DOHOHO IHIHIHI PROHOHIMIHIHISE!"

"Are you just telling me what I want to hear?" Spencer questioned teasingly, slowing his playful attack to one finger, grinning when despite that, Y/N's laughter remained loud and squeaky.

"NOHOHO! IHI PROHOMIHIHISE IHIHI'M NOHOHOT! IHIHI REHEHEHEALLY MEHEAN IHIHIHIT! PLEHEHEASE! IHIHI GIHIHIVE! IHI GIHIHIHIIIIVE! PLEHEHEHEASE!"

Spencer paused his tickling, grinning as Y/N kept giggling even when trying to catch their breath, the residual sensations keeping them in a very giggly state. He didn't let Y/N's ankle go just yet.

"Admit your rambles are charming then."

"I-IhIhI...IhI hahahave toho s-sahahay ihihit!?" Y/N questioned. It only took Spencer wiggling his fingers in the air to make Y/N shriek and give in.

"OHOHOKAY! IHIHI AHAHDMIHIT IHIT!"

"Say it word for word, please," Spencer encouraged.

"Gihihive mehehe...ahaha sehecond..." Y/N breathed, still giggling as they shielded their torso. "M-Myhyhy... rahambles... a-are chaharming... My rambles are charming..."

"And...?" Their friend was smiling brightly as he awaited the next statement.

"Myhy s-stihimming... ihihis nohothing to be ahashamed of...

"Nothing to be ashamed of," Spencer reaffirmed with a smile. "Don't you forget it."

Y/N squeaked and giggled when he reached forward, their nerves anticipating more tickling. They were still giggling as he gently wiped the tears of laughter from their face, their heart feeling warm and their brain feeling happy from all of the endorphins. When they looked up at him, they felt even more shy. His hair was even messier and he was grinning. Wow, he was cute. They partially hid behind their hands in response.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Y/N nodded, too flustered to say answer with words. They hadn't been able to stop giggling either. Spencer sat back and gently held out his hand, and Y/N took hold of it.

"Promise you mean it? You're okay?"

"IhIhI promise..."

"You really promise?" He questioned, teasingly wiggling his fingers.

"YEHES! Yehehes! IhI prohomise!" Y/N squealed. "I-IhIhI promise I mean it."

Spencer grinned, before helping them up and wrapping his arms around their waist, chuckling when Y/N squeaked and shielded their sides, still anticipating another playful attack.

"W-Wahait! IhIhI prohomihised!"

"I know you did. It's okay, Y/N. I'm done. I promise," he assured them, gently rubbing their back as they giggled. "No more tickling. Not right now anyway. Here, lean on me, I got you."

Y/N did just that, hiding their face in his shirt and closing their eyes for a few seconds, still giggling quietly as he gently moved their legs to rest over his.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Mhm."

"You're really sure? I was worried I went overboard."

"I'm reheally sure," Y/N promised. "IhI'm juhust gihihihiggly ahand aha little BIHIT h-hyhypehersehensitive..."

"Sohorry. Wait- A little bit?"

"Aha lohohot..." Y/N had squealed mid sentence when Spencer's fingers brushed near their side on accident.

"You're adorable," he chuckled. "Are you in pain at all?"

"Noho pain."

"Promise? No soreness or aching from all that laughing?

"Prohomise," Y/N giggled. "I have all the endorphins I need."

"Good. If you start feeling sore, let me know and I'll grab the heating pad, okay?"

"O-Okay. Thank you, Spencer."

Spencer reached for Y/N's water and offered it to them, and they graciously took it from him. "Thank you."

After they'd taken several sips, they set it back down and hugged him again. "You give the best hugs," Y/N said timidly, giggling when Spencer hugged them tighter.

"Are you feeling better?"

"I am."

"I'm glad," Spencer said, gently moving Y/N back ever so slightly to look at them. "I mean it, you know. Your stimming is nothing to be ashamed of and I will always remind you of that. Your infodumps and rambling really are charming. And, seeing you get so excited about something you're telling me about... it's adorable. O-Of course, it's not the only adorable thing about you... there's... there's a lot."

"R-Really?"

"Y-Yeah," Spencer admitted, taking a breath to calm his nerves. "I really like spending time with you."

"I like spending time with y-you too," Y/N said timidly. The shy agent felt butterflies in their stomach again, but they looked up into Spencer's eyes.

"I like it a lot..." They added. "Thank you for being part of my life, Spencer."

"Thank you for being part of my life too, Y/N," Spencer said with a warm smile. "I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"Neither am I," Y/N whispered, feeling their breath hitch a bit when they realized how close their faces were. They both knew that their line of work meant those words were not a guarantee, but they would do everything to make them so.

Y/N briefly looked up at him once more, and Spencer smiled. They couldn't help but grin, happy stimming with their hands. When a vocal stim started up, they initially covered their mouth with embarrassment, but Spencer gently took hold of their hand.

"You don't ever need to feel embarrassed about your stimming," he reminded them in a soft voice. "It's a wonderful thing."

Another vocal stim came on and Y/N couldn't help but grin the second time around.

"You make me happy stim, Spence," they whispered. "A whole lot... You've made me feel so safe, and comfortable, and each time we hang out I feel more okay with unmasking."

Spencer grinned when Y/N hugged him, burying their face in his shirt and feeling their heart flutter when he returned the hug and pressed a kiss to the top of their head.

"I'm overjoyed that you're feeling more comfortable unmasking, Y/N," he said. "Don't ever feel ashamed of doing so. I'm proud of you."

Y/N happy stimmed again and couldn't help but giggle, and giggled even more when Spencer giggled as well.

"Movie time?"

"Mhm," Y/N's muffled answer made Spencer grin.

"Feeling shy?"

"Mhm..."

Spencer chuckled and reached for the remote, pressing play before looking down at Y/N and holding them even closer, causing the butterflies in their stomach to return. Despite the initial surprise, Y/N rested their head in the crook of his neck.

"I didn't tire you out too much, did I, Y/N?"

"You think I'd ever be too tired for Rocky Horror Picture show?"

"Fair enough," Spencer laughed.

"Spencer?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you, f-for... well, you know... I-I really needed that..."

"Of course, Y/N. You know I'd never miss an opportunity to get a giggle out of you."

A gentle poke to their back made them squeak and giggle quietly. "Spehencer!"

"I'll have to test this spot a little next time I sleep over."

"Nehext time?" Y/N questioned in a quiet voice, unable to keep the corners of their mouth from turning upward.

Spencer chuckled as he heard and saw the optimism radiating from them, and nodded. Y/N couldn't stop their giggle and averted their eyes back to the movie.

"We're gonna be seeing more of each other now that we're friends, aren't we?" The genius grinned, optimism of his own shining in his eyes.

"I'd like that..."

"Are you opposed to a trip to the library this weekend? Maybe we can stop by the museum?"

"I would love that, Spencer."

"And, Y/N, about next time..." Y/N waited in anticipation for his statement.

"It'll definitely be much sooner than you think," he whispered in their ear, grinning when they squeaked.

"P-Promise?"

"Promise."

"OH! Look! Here we go! Here we go here we go!" Y/N began stimming with joy as their eyes illuminated from the light of the television. Spencer laughed happily, feeling over the moon that his friend had let the mask slip entirely, and in that instance, without any fear at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I fluster myself to the high heavens whenever I write teases in these fics- Hope y'all enjoyed this one. I can totally see Spencer being a ler who gets RUTHLESS with the teasing, but stays soft with the t-words, and that concept kills meeeeee.

To all of my fellow neurodivergent individuals, I hope you all have lots of moments every day, where you feel completely safe and okay to unmask. Safe and okay to stim, infodump, engage in your hyperfixations and special interests, everything!!! I know how exhausting it feels to mask for so long, and you deserve to feel comfortable, safe, and free of judgement. Take care ♥️ Until the next fic (lowkey I have another one in the drafts that can totally fit in this saga)

[flaringgoosebumps]

I may just be reiterating what was said in this post (please read that one first) but anyway,

"Why do people want two teenage boys together so bad?"

This question only seems to come up about queer pairings, people don't seem to go out of their way to shame shippers of mlw pairings, especially in times where they should. For example, since literally forever and even in stranger things, there are sex scenes or implied sex scenes with teenager characters. The concern only arises with the mere idea that there would be a queer couple merely kissing or hell, even holding hands.

While I relate to everything @hey-its-bucky said, I have more reasons why I want Byler to be canon. Not just because queer people past, present and future, deserve to be represented and humanized and for their experiences to be validated but also!!

Queer representation in movies and tv are genuinely so boring! While I appreciate that we are getting representation, it is crumbs in comparison to what we could have. I'm tired of the whole shtick of a story centering about a young queer person trying to figure out who they are, in normal settings lol I don't find that appealing, it's not my ideal form of entertainment. I want Byler to be canon for selfish reasons.

I want a canon queer couple with proper build up in my niche interests! I want them to exist in horror and sci-fi and be treated just as important as cishet couples.

I deeply enjoyed fear street because while it did center around a few queer characters, it didn't center about them finding out they were queer. It centered around some fucked up supernatural shit trying to kill them and a girl desperately trying to save someone she loved. And we got a good ending! I want more of that!

I've seen very few queer pairings or characters in shows I've watched and a majority of them didn't get good endings

In Buffy the vampire slayer, Willow found out she was gay in the middle of the series and fell in love with a girl named Tara who also became a main character and they killed her off. Then they gave Willow a girlfriend that kind of felt rushed but that could be me being biased because they killed my girl!

Aubrey Jensen in MTV scream, was in love with her gf who was murdered in 2nd episode, then it's revealed she did some questionable things because she had a crush on her childhood friend (who didn't return her feelings) and they gave her a gf by the end of her story arc but it wasn't someone we saw build up with like??

There are shows I haven't even seen and I know their queer pairings are severed the same way.

Stranger things has the appeal of a lifetime! It's not a show that marketed itself as queer, but they planned for Will to be gay from the jump. They are building something and if they're building what we think they're building. It will be a game changer.

This is one of the most popular shows that is out, it is virtually inescapable even if you've never shown any interest in it or anything like it. If they make Byler canon, it would be a coming of age queer love story epic sci-fi saga. As far as I know, that hasn't been done before on film.

If they follow Leigh Janiak's lead with queer story telling, it would hopefully be the first of many stories that humanize queer people, and more than that, make us the hero, give us a happy ending, final girl(person lol) endings, romantic storylines on par with cishet people in the sense that it was planned out and executed in a specific way instead of just throwing someone in there and hoping that's enough crumbs for clout.

Representation matters for a multitude of reasons but Byler specifically, isn't just about representation to me. It's about good story telling and if they intended on making Will gay since they began writing and let that be the center of his character arc for an entire season and don't plan on letting him have the happiest ending possible with the guy he's in love with, what the hell was the point of bringing attention to it at all? Narratively. What the hell would be the point of that? Also what would be the point of building milkbones just to break it down so easily? Why would they go out of their way to do this to the characters they spent years on crafting just for no pay off?

The strangest thing would be if Byler wasn't their plan in the first place lol

[chosonore]

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he’s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji��s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

[thevoidcannotbefilled]

One of my fundamental issues as Annabelle is written is that... she's not a person. Or more accurately, you could replace her with a walking talking spider or a person possessed by spiders, or something to that effect and it would be the exact same role in the narrative.

Thing is, I don't mind if she's mostly Web. I think that makes sense for an avatar of it. The more you're in it, the more you lose yourself, the more you let go of your natural impulses and can be guided by your entity. I also find the idea of giving yourself up to the Web due to seeing your own insignificance within the world fascinating (maybe especially now where there's so much happening in the world and personally being able to do nothing to stop the bad in it. There's a temptation to give into that misery). The Web is also a huge parallel with Jon's entire journey. Any character who embodies the idea of inevitability, the choices within lack of choices, and feeling small in a complex world should be a huge deal! In a way, her character is everything Jon would hate himself to be. And while I personally don't like taking her statement literally, the fact she parallels her backstory to Jon to mess with him shows how much she directly can get under his skin.

But...

1) there isn't a major moment where she does anything to have an effect on Jon that's related to who she is as a person. There is no shining moment where she and Jon have an understanding or see each other beyond just barebone avatars. And that's because...

2) Annabelle doesn't want anything. As much as the idea of giving herself up to the Web is fascinating... she just doesn't want anything from it. No side schemes to use the Web to counter productively get a better future. No setting up her own manipulations by twisting the final plan. No sense of giving herself up to the Web for protection. Not even "Jon make it easy and just do what you need to do. Then the fear can go away".

She has no motivation. Nothing. Because at the end of the day, all she does within the plot of the show is make sure the Web can do its plan. That's it.

Ever since I saw the line where she was okay with dying to make sure the Web's plan went into fruition it just made me so sad about her character. Oliver makes sense; he is an End avatar, that's his whole thing. His entire journey was learning to accept the monster and the messed up fear the End was teaching him.

But Annabelle? I can see where the whole "I'm just one small step to this plan" mindset is but... for every other avatar there has been some examination of their humanity. What motivates them. Who they are and so on. Season 4 and season 5 explore their complex existence where even if they're hurting people they still have wants and desires. There's something driving them to do what they're doing. Oliver is part of the exception but his exception proves a point in his horror. Even Jonah for how horrible he is, has desires that can be graciously translated to "he never wants to die and wants to make sure no one can ever kill him".

Annabelle doesn't have any of that and I'm not 100% sure why she was written that way. Yes, she wants the Web's final gambit to go through, but idk, its just so odd to me to have an actual person in the role she plays in the current story when a puppeted character could do the same. If there was an examination of the idea of letting yourself go to a higher force for some sake, then that would be something. But as it stands, Annabelle Cane is an awkward character that is too much of a person on the narrative to reliably be seen as just a person possessed by spiders but not enough motivations or want in the narrative to actually be one.

And that's just disappointing more than anything else for a show that's otherwise so good at having wonderful layered characters.

[lyrabythelake]

Pumpkin Timeee

I love Halloween, here’s a little fic

Seasons may change, but Time’s commute back from the castle stays more or less the same. Yes, there may be life-size plastic skeletons in the windows of most houses right now, but if you can ignore that, along with the badly carved pumpkins and the entire graveyard that was erected overnight in one garden, it is really no different to any other day.

For Time, Halloween is an occasion that brings very real fear to his heart. There isn’t much distinction between each year; he can pretty much count on Legend terrorising them all with his latest attempt at special effects makeup (last time he had genuinely convinced Warriors he had chopped his index finger off cutting a cucumber), Wind will watch a horror movie and spend the next week with night terrors, and Hyrule will eat so many super sour sweets he throws up.

All in all, not his favourite holiday.

Not that he wants to tempt fate, but today has been remarkably uneventful. Only three people dressed up at work and no one has tried any pranks or jump-scares (he may be known as the Hero of Time in some circles, but that doesn’t mean he’s immune to those surprise jump-scare videos on YouTube), so he’s in a pretty good mood.

That is, until he walks into his house.

“What is this?”

Which, he commends himself, is an admirably calm reaction considering whatever it is has left his kitchen looking like the scene of a large, gruesome pumpkin massacre. And actually, that might be an apt description of what millions of children do every year on the 31st of October when they carve hideous faces into gourds while their parents try their best to keep them from cutting their fingers off. 

Millions of children and, of course, his idiot friends.

“We’re carving pumpkins,” Wind says distractedly, his tongue held between his teeth as he focuses intently on stabbing his knife multiple times into his pumpkin.

“I can see that. But did you have to do it in my kitchen?”

“Yours is the only one big enough for all of us.”

A fact that has made him repeatedly curse his and Malon’s past selves ever since they first viewed this house and exclaimed how perfect the large, open plan kitchen/living room would be for having all their friends round for dinner sometimes. They seriously overlooked several important factors like how now all eight of the boys seem to be in their house ninety percent of the time whether he and Malon are home or not.

“You don’t think you might have overdone it?” He’s referring to the literally countless number of pumpkins on every surface–he tallied thirteen before he lost count–and the sloppy mountain of Pumpkin innards piled so high onto the table that it very nearly reaches the ceiling.

“Oh, that?” Wild gestures casually at Mount Pumpkin Guts. “I’ll make it into a pumpkin pie or something.”

“Far be it from me to ever doubt your cooking skills, Wild,” Time replies, “but do you plan on making a pumpkin pie the size of Hyrule Town?”

Wild shrugs.

“So I’ll make some pumpkin cupcakes as well.”

“Where did you even get all these? I don’t think I’ve seen this many pumpkins in one place since I last went to a pumpkin farm.” Which, for the record, was many years ago because he hates the taste.

“Hey, look, I made you!” Wind looks incredibly pleased with himself as he turns his pumpkin around to show a very roughly carved face with a line through one eye and markings that may or may not be supposed to represent his own. 

Time’s eye twitches.

“Hyrule grew them in his garden,” Legend tells him. Hyrule looks at Time with a haunted look that tells of a very serious miscalculation.

“They got a bit out of hand.”

Oh, and would you have it, his hand is stuck into a bag of Super Sours. What a surprise.

“Don’t get your pants in a twist, we’ll clean everything up at the end,” Warriors says, clearly noticing the looming aneurysm in Time’s future. His pumpkin has a knife stuck in its head and is carved to look like it’s screaming in pain. Time can relate.

“There better not be a speck of pumpkin on these worktops by the time Malon comes home.”

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Kilgharrah: “Kill that child, Merlin.”

Merlin (like a normal person): “No?? What the fuck???”

And with that, everything changed.

Part 2   Part 3(final part)

“You must let the boy die.”

Kilgharrah’s voice echoed incessantly through Merlin’s head for days after the Druid boy’s appearance, and subsequent disappearance. 

Merlin had, of course, ignored the scaly old bastard, and hadn’t once questioned if he’d done the right thing by hiding Mordred away in his tiny bedroom.

If the boy truly had such a terrible destiny, then the best thing for Merlin to do was to keep him close, if not to steer him away from his fate, then to at least be able to see it coming if it was indeed inevitable.

Currently, Morgana was the only one aware that Mordred was still here (other than Gaius of course, who was somehow disapproving and proud at the same time). As far as everyone else was concerned, Arthur and Uther included, the boy was never found, and must have slipped out of the city somehow (going by the extra patrols in the woods, as opposed to the castle and town).

The Warlock was nervous about anyone knowing at first, but when Morgana had tearfully thanked him for saving Mordred, and proceeded to sneak in spare blankets, food, and money for clothes, Merlin was glad for the co-conspirator.

The boy was currently curled up in the corner of Merlin’s room, a pile of blankets and pillows organised like a bird’s nest around him, wearing a soft shirt and sleeping the night away.

Merlin watched him from his bed, realising with growing horror just how protective of Mordred he had already become. He was so young. How could Merlin even consider punishing a child for some stupid destiny he didn’t even know about?

He had to think of a solution quickly. He couldn’t risk sending him away, not even to the Druids, they were as much slaves to the so-called prophecies as Kilgharrah was, and Merlin had once been (”Gods. Sounds like I’ve been dealing with destiny for years. It’s been like six months. I’m too young for this shit.”). But equally... what could he do with him??

Thankfully, no one had really gotten a good look at the boy, so hopefully with a change of clothes and a haircut, he wouldn’t be recognised, at least not if Merlin came up with a convincing enough story.

To be honest... the cover story worried him far more than the prospect of someone recognising him. Uther hadn’t recognised Nimueh, the woman who had been his court sorceress for years... the man was apparently not very observant.

In the end, it was a throwaway comment by Morgana a few days later, about a week after the Druid boy had “escaped” that gave Merlin a very stupid idea. So stupid, that it might just work.

~

Morgana had once again snuck away from the main castle to sit with Merlin and Mordred in the servant’s room. 

Gaius had said nothing as she’d entered the Physician’s chambers, enough food for four hidden away in the picnic basket she carried, just raised his eyebrow slightly, and thanked The Lady for the food offering that was definitely-not-a-bribe.

She gave him a quick wink, and the old physician rolled his eyes fondly as he set an overturned bucket in front of the door; if anyone came in, they would come in loudly.

Mordred was happy to see her, and Merlin hid a fond smile at the boy’s quiet giggles. He still didn’t speak much, so it was a relief to see him finding joy in something, even if it was clandestine visits from Uther’s ward.

She ruffled his hair slightly, resisting the urge to pull the touch averse boy into a tight hug, and set the basket on the bed. Merlin sat against the pillows, and Morgana sat down opposite him, the basket in between them as Mordred clambered up to sit just in front of Merlin.

Morgana and Merlin talked quietly as they ate, Mordred staying silent as the adults (or...as adult as they could get. Like Merlin kept thinking to himself, he was too young for this shit at sixteen, and Morgana was only two years older than him) avoided the elephant in the room.

The elephant being that they couldn’t keep this up forever. Arthur had a habit of bursting in whenever he so pleased, and it was a miracle he hadn’t done so already. Plus, it would be cruel to expect Mordred to stay cooped up in here for much longer. He was a child, he deserved to play outside and explore and do all the other things he couldn’t do in Merlin’s bedroom.

Once they finished eating, Mordred moved to his makeshift bed in the corner, tightly clutching a book that Morgana had bought him, and furrowing his brows in concentration as he read.

Morgana stared at him with a soft smile, and Merlin sighed, once again worrying about his new ward’s future.

Morgana tilts her head, as if a sudden thought had occurred to her, and looks slowly between Merlin and Mordred as the servant raises a questioning eyebrow at her.

“You know Merlin, the two of you look remarkably similar.”

Mordred is engrossed in his book, and doesn’t react at all to Morgana’s quiet comment, but Merlin’s eyebrow goes even higher as he huffs out a laugh:

“You think? I don’t see it.”

Morgana looks at him with a deadpan expression:

“Merlin, you don’t have a mirror in here. I’m fairly certain you have no concept of what you look like.-”

Merlin looks indignantly offended for all of two seconds before he sighs and nods, she’s right to be fair. He’s tall-ish, with pale skin, and he thinks he has brown hair. That’s about all he knows.

Morgana chuckles as she once again looks at Mordred:

“You both have very dark hair, bright blue eyes, pale skin. You know...-”

She looks back at him with a thoughtful frown on her face:

“-if someone told me you were brothers... I’d believe it.”

Merlin raises an eyebrow:

“Really?”

She nods decisively:

“Yeah. I mean, the more I think about it, the more I look between you, yes. You could definitely be related.”

Merlin nods his head slowly, thinking. He takes in a deep breath and tilts his head slightly:

“It could work. I haven’t really talked to anyone about my family so... we could say that... he came to live with me? Because life here is... good?”

Morgana snorts slightly, rolling her eyes before looking back at him seriously:

“You’d have to be more convincing than that. You could say that the harvest was poor in your village? That Mordred was better off coming to stay with his big brother in the big city?”

Merlin nods at her words, grimacing slightly as he mutters:

“If we’re running with the whole... brother thing, I need to write a letter to my mum, just in case. Gods she’s going to laugh so much.”

Morgana laughs at him quietly, but the noise finally catches Mordred’s attention and he looks up in confusion. Merlin moves the basket to the floor, and gestures to the boy to come over.

He walks over wordlessly, climbing up to kneel between them, biting his lip nervously.

“Is it time for me to leave, Emrys?” echoes through Merlin’s head, and he gives the boy a comforting smile, shaking his head slightly, before saying out loud:

“You’re staying with me, Mordred-”

The boy smiles slightly as he stares at Merlin in reverence, and Morgana quickly hides her questioning gaze. She could see that there was more between them than simple protectiveness over a child, and thankfulness for being saved, but she kept her thoughts to herself as Merlin continued:

“-but we can’t keep you hidden in here forever, so we’re going to tell people that you’re my younger brother, come to live with me. Is that alright?”

Mordred nods his head vigorously, and Merlin chuckles slightly as the boy’s grin grew:

“Ok. We’ll get you a haircut and tell Gaius the plan. Probably wait a few more days for things to settle down further, and then see how it goes, ok?”

Mordred nods once more, smile not leaving his face. Morgana bites her lip to stop herself from laughing at Merlin’s shocked face when the boy threw himself into the servant’s arms for a tight hug.

~

Merlin spends the next few days teaching Mordred all about Ealdor and his mother and Will, so that the boy could have at least a little knowledge on what was supposedly his home and family.

The next time Morgana came to visit, she brought a comb and a sharp pair of scissors, as well as a few more changes of clothes that looked less... Druid. By the time she left that evening, Mordred had much shorter hair, and a wide grin on his face at the prospect of finally being able to go outside (he was Druid after all, he needed trees and fresh air).

The letter had been sent home, and Merlin was expecting a reply any day now. The only thing left to worry about was how to hide Mordred’s Druid marking. It would be easy to cover with clothes, but Uther’s increasing paranoia meant that it would be best if they could find a more permanent solution.

Gaius suggested some sort of glamour spell fairly quickly, but Merlin was unwilling to cast one on the boy until he’d mastered it.

And THAT meant showing up to serve Arthur with ink all over his hands that he had tried and failed to cover.

Merlin had also realised with dawning horror, that he would have to tell Morgana the truth. She knew about the marking, and she was smart, there was no way that hiding it wasn’t something that had occurred to her. She would bring it up eventually, and how could Merlin explain without having to... explain??

Morgana was already risking her favour with the King, and frankly, her life, by protecting a Druid... she would do the same for Merlin, right? But Mordred hadn’t actually done any magic... BUT she’d always spoken against executions... BUT Merlin had lied and hidden it from her, his friend...

Hmm...

In the end, he’d decided he would just have to suck it up, and tell her. Fuck whatever that dragon said. After Kilgharrah’s last round of... advice, Merlin had been ignoring his calls. If there was an emergency, the cryptic bastard would tell him, and until then he could just sulk in that cave on his own.

That two weeks was also enough for Uther to become convinced that the mysterious Druid boy really was long gone, and to just forget about it. He was pissed of course, but talking about it and extending the search just highlighted that a child, barely eleven summers, had managed to evade all of his forces and that... did not cast him in a good light.

It took Merlin about two weeks to fully master the spell, which was longer than the three of them were hoping, but he was adamant that he perfect it before he cast it on Mordred, and Gaius was incredibly impressed at his ward’s determination.

Morgana was of course confused about why they kept pushing it back, she thought they were only going to wait a few days before they started introducing Mordred, but she trusted Merlin and saw no harm in waiting a little longer.

When Morgana arrived that evening, she could tell that Merlin was... anxious. They’d agreed on a specific day to make introductions but it wasn’t until the end of this week, it didn’t make any sense for Merlin to suddenly be nervous about it.

Mordred wasn’t quite as good at hiding his emotions, and didn’t even giggle like he normally did when Morgana came over, just stared at his “brother” anxiously.

Morgana rolled her eyes and huffed as she shut the door:

“Alright, Merlin. What is it? Spit it out.”

Merlin opened his mouth, about to come out with an excuse, before he snapped it shut again and took a deep breath.

It worried him, how easy, how automatic it was for him to lie, but that was a worry for another time.

Mordred reached up and took his hand, squeezing it, and Merlin looked down at him with a weak smile before sitting on the bed and gesturing that Morgana join him.

She looked at him worriedly, but settles where he gestures, and doesn’t acknowledge the way Mordred sits defensively between them.

The boy looks back at Merlin:

“Are you sure, Emrys?”

Merlin gives him another smile, and squeezes his shoulder slightly as he raises an eyebrow:

“I’m sure. And you need to get used to calling me Merlin at some point.”

Mordred pouts slightly, and Merlin ruffles his hair as he laughs, before looking back up at Morgana’s questioning stare.

He takes another deep breath, before slowly speaking:

“I... we’ve found a way to properly hide Mordred’s marking.”

Morgana looks taken aback, but relieved:

“Oh. Is that all? That’s good isn’t it? I have to admit, it was worrying me.”

Merlin gulps:

“Yeah it... it is good... it’s just, it involves... magic.”

Morgana raises her eyebrow, and nods slowly, as if it were obvious:

“I figured it would be. It’s not like it would be easy or reliable to cover it with make-up every morning, or hide it with clothes.-”

It’s Merlin’s turn to look taken aback now, and Mordred fixes her with an unreadable expression. Morgana continues:

“-The problem, lies in finding someone willing to do whatever spell it is. Someone we could trust wouldn’t share the secret, no matter what.”

Merlin grimaces slightly, more gulping, and taking yet another deep breath:

“We already have someone. Me.”

Morgana gasps slightly, and she’s vaguely aware of the brothers in front of her tensing up, but all she can focus on is the gold of Merlin’s irises.

The gold fades, and Merlin clears his throat, breaking her out of her stupor. She reaches over and punches Merlin harshly on the arm before getting up and beginning to pace, speechless.

Merlin and Mordred panic at first, but when she makes no moves towards the door in her pacing, they relax. That only lasts for a moment or two however, before she looks back to Merlin, furious:

“Are you thick Merlin? Why on earth would you learn magic in Camelot of all places?? Do you have a death wish!?”

Merlin laughs slightly, cheeks turning pink as he rubs the back of his neck:

“Actually uh... I was born with magic; I’ve always had it. My mother sent me here because she thought I would learn to control it better.”

Morgana looks incredulous as she continues to rant:

“What? With the fear of execution hanging over your head?! That’s not control, that’s terror.”

Merlin shrugs:

“It works though. My magic is mostly instinctual, the threat of torture by pyre sure as hell stops me from losing control when I’m angry or scared or whatever...”

Morgana huffs, crossing her arms and fixing him with a glare. Both Merlin and Mordred cower slightly as they are reminded of angry and disproving mothers; as if they were about to be scolded for getting their clothes dirty, or ruining their dinner with too many snacks.

She just stares at him for a minute, before she sags slightly, and begins chuckling at the boys’ fearful faces:

“You are ridiculous. But it’s far too late to persuade you to leave now. Does Arthur know?”

Merlin’s face morphs into a mournful frown, as he looks to the floor and mumbles:

“No. I wish I could tell him but... with Uther...”

Morgana sighs, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder:

“Uther won’t be here forever. We’ll just have to keep Arthur from turning into too much of a prat before he becomes King.-”

Merlin laughs at that, and looks up to give the woman a grateful smile. She returns his smile before continuing:

“-So, you can do the spell?”

Merlin winces slightly and gestures for Mordred to pull the collar of his shirt down, to reveal a blank patch of skin:

“I’ve actually already done it. It’ll stay there permanently until I take it off. Though we should keep checking, just in case.”

Morgana looks surprised, and smiles:

“What’s the problem then?-”

She rolls her eyes when Merlin looks at her incredulously:

“-Oh, come on Merlin. I’m not going to turn you in, you’re safe with me. You both are, and you always will be.”

The servant jumps up to give her a tight hug, which she quickly returns as Mordred nervously joins in. Morgana smiles to herself, and squeezes her boys tighter.

She may love Uther and Arthur, and she knew they loved her back, in their own way, but this? This was family.

~

The time finally came for Merlin to introduce his baby brother. Hunith had supposedly dropped him off late last night and left immediately, having to get back home quickly. 

Morgana had gone to gather Gwen and Arthur whilst Merlin and Mordred waited in their room (it was definitely their room now, instead of just Merlin’s).

It was early in the morning, and to say that Arthur was grumpy at being woken by Morgana instead of Merlin, was an understatement.

But he eventually caved, and dressed himself as he grumbled, allowing Morgana to drag him to meet Gwen (who was equally confused) before the three of them made their way to the Physician’s chambers.

Gaius was suspiciously absent, and Morgana knocked on Merlin’s door, before slowly opening it and walking in, Arthur and Gwen following her quickly.

Gwen was surprised at the sight of Merlin stood behind a child, hands protectively on his shoulders, but smiled and gave Mordred a soft wave in greeting.

Arthur however, froze, and stared at the boy with a shocked expression.

Morgana moved to stand next to Mordred, and took one of his hands as Merlin began to speak:

“Gwen, Arthur, I want you to meet my baby brother, Mordred. He’s come to live with me.”

Gwen waved again, and bent over to Mordred’s height:

“Hi Mordred, I’m Guinevere, but all my friends call me Gwen. I didn’t know that Merlin had a brother, but it’s lovely to meet you.”

Mordred gave her a small smile, and Merlin suppressed a chuckle as-

“I like her, Em- Merlin.”

-echoed through his head.

Arthur’s gaze moved away from Mordred finally, up to Merlin.

Merlin stared back at him blankly, but Arthur saw the way his jaw clenched as he moved a protective hand down, to pull Mordred closer to him.

The Prince let out a deep sigh, growling slightly as Gwen looked at him in confusion, and Morgana and Merlin stared at him challengingly.

He shook his head as his shoulders sagged, and he rubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands before looking back to Mordred with a strained smile:

“It’s nice to meet you, Mordred. My name’s Arthur.”

With that, Morgana smirks slightly, and Merlin relaxes. Gwen just rolls her eyes:

“Sorry about him Mordred, he doesn’t spend much time around people your age.”

Mordred gives her another smile, and Merlin glances to Gwen, before looking down at Mordred:

“Why don’t you go with Morgana and Gwen to see the city a little? Me and Arthur need to talk, I’ll catch up with you later, ok?”

Mordred turns around quickly, and grabs Merlin’s hand tightly:

“You promise??”

Gwen holds in an “awww” and Morgana hides her smile. Mordred rarely talks aloud (she’d been told of the mental link), but she’s glad to see he was feeling at least a little more comfortable.

Merlin crouches down, and pulls the boy into a tight hug, stroking his hair slightly as he stares straight at Arthur:

“I promise. I’ll never leave you for long Mordred.”

Arthur gulps at Merlin’s hard stare, but gives him an almost imperceptible nod, which Merlin returns as he stands up. Mordred gives him one more look as he takes one of Morgana’s hands, and one of Gwen’s, and follows them out of the room.

Morgana shuts the door quietly, and Arthur sighs again before looking at Merlin:

“What are you thinking Merlin?? You just thought I wouldn’t notice?”

Merlin crosses his arms, his glare still hard:

“No, I knew you would notice, I just had faith that you’re a better man than your father.”

Arthur is still deep in his “my father can do no wrong” faze, and takes great offense at that, taking a threatening step forward and growling:

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Merlin just huffs and raises an eyebrow slightly:

“I had assumed that you were not the type of man to have a child executed, just for existing.-”

Merlin copies Arthur’s step forward, raising his chin and continuing, his voice low and dangerous:

“-Did I assume correctly? Because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect that kid, Arthur. Nothing.”

Arthur stares at him incredulously, only managing to hold Merlin’s surprisingly confident stare for a few moments, before nodding and stepping back:

“Of course. He’s a child, Merlin, I won’t see him hurt, if I can help it.”

Merlin nods slowly, not looking away from Arthur as he softly says:

“I’ll hold you to that.-”

He walks around The Prince, opening the door and stepping halfway through before looking over his shoulder, and quietly saying to a confused Arthur:

“-If you truly believed that all magic is evil, and always corrupted, no matter what, then you wouldn’t care that he’s a child; you’d want him dead anyway. So perhaps think about your... prejudices, a little more deeply, maybe you’ll discover you are different to Uther in other ways as well.”

Before Arthur can even really process what Merlin said, the servant is shutting the door behind him, and rushing off to find his new brother.

~

OK SO!!! 

I really LOVED writing this, there will definitely be more parts, I just figured I should end it here before I got carried away

This series is finished!! (Links at the top <3 )

[strxnger-things]

omg i finally found you!! I liked ur birthdaygate post AGES ago then forgot your url but im so glad i found you again bcos i have SO many questions- pls pls pls can you explain your theory more bcos its driving me crazy, a lot of people dont like this theory for some reason but im on the fence about how i feel about it :/

damn, I really thought I had the best hiding spot... *climbs out of a dark corner and stretches*

lol, hey!

ok so before I go any further into this, I just want to make something clear: I'm not the person who came up with the birthdaygate theory. I've seen a few people conflating birthdaygate with the post I made about something funky going on with the memories mentioned in the S2 shed scene, but they're like totally two separate things. Birthdaygate is the cool, big-brain theory that suggests Will's forgotten birthday is secretly a planned narrative tool that we'll see explained in Season 5 (whoever first put the evidence for that together, you rock and I have mad respect for you)

Memorygate on the other hand, is just a small expansion of it: my suggestion as to when or why Will's birthday might have been forgotten. Honestly, I'd not given the whole theory much thought before I unceremoniously threw it into the byler tag and watched the horror and heartbreak spread haha I'll do my best to explain it a little more, but I don't think I'll really be able to help much. My intention was never to convince people of anything. It was literally just me going, "huh... hey guys, isn't this kind of suspicious...?"

and the thing is, if you don't believe in birthdaygate to begin with, then memorygate is completely moot. Like, it's just a lot of fun. But if birthdaygate is real, memorygate just might be one possible explanation. Maybe. ?? honestly? I think it would kinda suck if it was real. I totally understand why some people hate it. Whilst I'm sure it'd be a shocking twist, it would also be very deux ex machina, and it'd mess with the character's agencies.

but like, if it WAS suspicious... ...here we have a villain who can canonically a) view people in the present moment like they're all laid out on a chess board ("now-memories"), b) enter any mind he so wishes and spy on their innermost thoughts and memories, and c) seems to have a connection/obsession with time.

This villain is also literally told a bunch of memories relating to one of his primary antagonists. The S2 shed scene helped Will break free of his possession just enough to save the day, but at the same time, what if Vecna was being given precious ammunition that he could utilise for future use? It's kinda convenient that Will's birthday is A Thing™ now, and the ONE time it's mentioned in the narrative is one of the most powerful and important scenes. Coincidence? Yeeeeah, maybe.

and as to how Vecna could have 'used' all those memories for his own benefit, I can only speculate. We don't yet know enough about what Vecna is fully capable of. Can he flit through people’s mindscapes without the victim suspecting anything? Do they always have a nosebleed or a headache, or is that just for when he’s going to kill/ consume you to open a gate?  Memorygate is just the theory that Vecna’s done something to those memories, including Will's birthday, because he knows they helped Will fight back against his possession.

Of course, Will was physically possessed in comparison to the mind possession we saw with Max and the other victims, so we don’t know if that changes things either.  It could be time-related (like, the date itself has been screwed with) or it could be memory-related (e.g. nobody from the shed scene can remember it because at some point, Vecna has messed with their minds, one by one). I can't help but compare it to how Vecna entered Max's memory of the Snow Ball. She did the same thing that Will probably did, and entered a safe space in her mind to escape him. She fought back by remembering the good, anchoring herself to her friends and to her special dance/kiss with Lucas. But then Vecna found his way in to that memory, slowly but surely, and took it over so she could no longer hide there. 

We didn't see it as an audience, but what if that was kind of what was happening inside Will's mind in S2? 

I'm not sure what more I can say to explain the memory stuff because there's still a lot of guesswork when it comes to Vecna and his powers. But I can go a little further into the Byler part for you, seeing as I only briefly mentioned it in my first post and I assume that's what you want me to get into most. So Mike talks about DnD games and their swingset meeting, and I think the latter is arguably the most powerful memory mentioned in the whole scene. A lot of attention is focused on the swingset memory. It's super important. We can also pretty confidently conclude that Vecna is pissed at Mike, especially by the time S4 rolls round. He's long known who he is, and he knows he's directly foiled his plans on more than one occasion, just like El. So go back and watch the shed scene again, and think about what we learned about Vecna in Season 4. Was he watching from Will's eyes, a hulking presence stalking through his mind, clouding Will's sense of self and listening intently to every word Mike was saying? Yeah, probably. Mike was visibly emotional. Distressed, vulnerable, raw, honest. Vecna learned that day that Mike and Will are deeply special to one other. He knows they're best friends. He knows a lonely Mike first approached a similarly lonely Will on a swingset when they were in kindergarten ('it was the best thing I've ever done...'). He also probably knows how Will truly feels about Mike. So that's a lot of ammunition for him to help put his plans into action, whatever they may be. He apparently doesn't want to kill Will, but perhaps he wants to isolate him. To hurt him, to make him feel forgotten by his loved ones, in a long game to win him over? Who knows.......

Vecna plays chess with people. He spies, he collects information, he uses people's memories against them. And the shed scene would have been a prime opportunity. A feast, if you will.

Once again, I hope I'm wrong about this. :)

[fruit-of-infidelity]

// Thank you so, so much for the tag @dryams03 & @khaarl-i !!

I. Favorite Colour:

Purple!

II. Currently Reading:

I'm supposed to have read H. G. Wells' War of the Worlds, amongst other novels, for my English minor at university but... I haven't.

I suppose what I have last been reading was the manga for JJBA Stone Ocean, but that was a little while ago. I've been a lot more focused on other things besides reading lately. >&lt;

III. Last Series:

Again, JJBA Stone Ocean. Still finishing it off as I didn't want to binge it all the moment the most recent batch came out >< Aside from that? Nothing of note as I don't really watch many television, nor Netflix, series. I'm a YouTube sort of person, lol.

IV: Last Movie:

I recently went and saw that new horror movie, Smile, with my mother! I enjoyed it, for a psychological(?) horror as far as its jumpscares and general plot went (and yippee for less audio-dependable spooks than a lot of other movies *cough cough* Conjuring *cough cough*)! I wasn't a big fan of the ending by any means, but it reminded me a lot of another horror by the name of Truth or Dare, actually!

V. Sweet, Spicy or Savory?

Ooh, I love all. I've really been into spicy foods lately, but I don't have a real preference for one over the other!

VI. Currently Working On?:

In between the mountain of university work? Phew, hold onto your hats, because this is gonna be a long list. This isn't in any particular order aside from Ryuuto's route being my first and foremost priority!:

i.) Ryuuto's Haunted Dark Bridal Route: This one, not only includes Ryuuto's route itself (with its unique scenarios, plot, AND tons of new art for him) but mini route scenarios for the other DiaBoys to tie Ryuuto into the universe more, to play a minor antagonist role in the other routes! I did plan on making into a playable route (and this is still a project I'd like to work on!), but that is for the future.

ii.) Various Ryuuto-related Drama CDs: I have a long list of scenarios I want to revolve some Drama CDs around for this blog! You can get a gist of some of the plots on the masterlist I have kicking about. These are just usually some fun in-between bigger projects ^^

iii.) Richter's Haunted Dark Bridal Route: This is one project that I'm not really in a rush to complete, but I'm hoping to get around to eventually. I have a really basic idea for it, but I wanted to give Richter some love too, with a route of his own where I can really see Ryuuto shine in the antagonistic role a little more!

iv.) A Richter Self-Insert blog: This has been on the back burner for a few months now, but I know the plot for a route, and have all the art I need for sprites already done. I have just been procrastinating doing the layout for the blog, before I promote it at all >&lt;

v.) JoJo's OC + Self-Insert Blog: When I tell you that I have a WHOLE plot for a JoJo OC planned out? Omg. It features a self-insert too, but more on that in the next point. I just want a creative outlet for all my JoJo thoughts, with a fun OC to tell my own little spin-off JoJo story. Again, I have to figure out a layout, and do some art but that's something that will only get done in the holidays, I think!

vi.) Cosplays: In-between uni and tumblr stuff, I have recently gotten into cosplaying, and I have so many cosplays planned! I have a meetup this weekend, in fact. Recent plans, however, have been for my own self-made cosplay for JJBA's Polnareff and Hol Horse! I have what I need on the way, and have already been sewing a few things!

// I think that's mainly it, though! This was super fun to do! I'd like to tag so many people but I'll stick to only a few, but please do feel free to jump in if I don't mention you too! @mukami-kuron-mrsadisticcat , @sakamaki-richter , & @kindan-no-kanojo !!

[trashy-bowtie]

My Hero Academia Characters as Stephen King Novels/Stories

👊Midoriya - I feel like he’d definitely be *Misery* because let’s face it, if he wasn’t the sweet cinnamon roll we all know and love, he’d be Annie Wilkes. Yandere!Izuku anyone? I would LOVE to write an AU one shot about it.

💥Bakugo - this one was hard too, but I’d have to say *Billy Summers* because not only is he one of the best, but he also takes down bad guys. However, he also gets into sticky situations from that, much like Billy. I also feel as if he’d definitely go to an extreme to punish people who do bad things.

👟Iida - *The Long Walk* because not only does it involve walking, but I imagine he’d totally get screwed over by rules since he tends to follow them a lot. I also could see him in a more dystopia rather than straight up horror. He would definitely be the best in a situation such as this, however I can’t see him as going straight up dark side like most people in King’s novels.

🐸Froppy - I gotta say, probably *The Dead Zone* because I feel like she’d not be suuuuuuper active in changing the future (the butterfly effect is real) and she’d also not want to draw attention to herself especially if she go5 burned out by helping everyone. However, if it truly mattered, like someone in a position of power corrupt ofc she’d be way more proactive with a psychic ability. Plus she’s very logical and would most definitely have a plan.

🎧Jiro - Thinking long and hard, I gotta go with *Revival* because not only is the main character a musician, but it also blends together mystery, horror, and sci-fi. It reminds me of Flatliners, which I feel like she’d enjoy that type of film. I also feel like she gets fascinated by subjects such as these and would like thee blending of elements.

🪨Kirishima - After thinking long and hard about this one, I’m gonna say *Cujo* because Cujo initially was a loving dog who only turned violent because of disease. Now I see Kirishima as a total puppy of a guy, and honestly I feel like there’s no way my mans would be violent and evil unless something infected him that there wasn’t any control or cure for. Also I feel like the situation would be his worst nightmare.

❄️🔥Shoto - I would place him as *The Shining* because not only is his dad kind of the worst, he and his mom have to suffer because of him. #relatable for Shoto. Also I feel like he’d enjoy the classic ghost story in an old hotel, like vibes for sure. Plus, it takes place in winter AND has a fiery finale? Sign his ass up.

🧠Shinso - this one was tough, but I gotta say *Doctor Sleep* because not only is his quirk a mental one, but he has his own ‘legacy’ of sorts he has to deal with (being perceived as a villain). I also think he’d like the vibes of old and new story and a sort of found family aspect since I feel like that mirrors his story.

⚡️Kaminari - I’d say *Cell* because not only does it involve electricity of sorts, but when he overuses his quirk he could be similar to a “zombie” plus he can still pop off and survive situations. I also feel like he’d enjoy comics/manga and he’d like a more survival horror type story.

🥊Mina - *Blockade Billy* cuz I see her as a sporty person, first off, who’s naturally gifted with athletic skill. I also could see a bad!Mina get glory for her skills by being kinda sketch.

🩸Toga - I feel like *IT* is a good piece for her because her quirk is transformative like Pennywise and I feel like she would also enjoy feeding off fear of others since she’s #shameless. She is also between child and adult which covers both parts of the book so she could probably relate to both sections.

🪶Hawks - *The Stand* because not only would he understand the duality and grey areas of the novel, I feel like he could relate to the story and characters. He’d also be interested in dystopia, I feel, because he gets fascinated easily by all of the components. I feel like he’s a very story based guy when he does sit down and read.

🥰Uraraka- *Pet Sematary* because I feel like my girl would totally love her pets and family too much to let them go. Like she’d be DTF with the weird ass cemetery in town if her beloved pet (or Deku 😏) passed on too early. Boo boo has a hard time letting go, she’s way too devoted to her loved ones. Mad respect ✊

📖Momo - Definitely *UR* because it blends newer technology and older authors into one and I feel like she’d do the exact same thing. The thirst for knowledge is real and my girl knows how to apply it effectively. She’s also find 5he very concept fascinating.

🔥Dabi - *Firestarter* not only because he controls fire, but he’s also a fugitive. I feel like he could relate, especially since he was technically an experiment (experimental child of Endeavour).

[atkadart]

Rock Band/Glamrock Au

I'm actually surprised. I managed to finish this piece without laying on the floor and despair over how difficult children are to draw. No matter what challenges come, I can master them ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ✨!

Besides..finial exams are coming closer and closer and...closer. It starts to feel like waiting for a test which results decide weather you be executed or your life be spared with a cold-hearted head pat, before being thrown out of the building with the words: "Good luck out there"

So the chances of me finishing Roxy's and Bonnie's designs soon is low but who knows. Ofc they aren't the last two designs but those who are 'more' important than the other ones I planned.

I also want to mention that I thought about doing another Loz redraw from the Four Swords manga + starting the wip designs of Blue, Green and Shadow (Red & Vio are already finished), after I'm done with the Fnaf designs.

Freddy Fazbear

→ Lead singer + founder

Age: 29

Likes: Funny/silly things, caramel bonbons, his friends, mozzarella sticks, dancing

Dislikes: Insects, horror movies/games, rude ppl, upsetting others

Random:

- His parents own a popular restaurant

- Tries to be a good role model/ father figure to Gregory

- Works at a retirement home

- Used to hide Gregory from his friends (he was scared of their reactions)

- Still mourns Bonnie's death but keeps it a secret (doesn't want to worry others)

- Bad at navigating

- Likes to cook for his friends/loved ones (not that good at it but he trys his very best)

- Cares more about the wellbeing of others than his own

-----

Gregory (Fazbear)

Age: around 8 - 10?

Likes: Freddy, Horror movies, Video games, solving mysteries

Dislikes: Vanessa, daycare, being the center of attention, anything school related

Random:

- Hard time trusting people/ being open when it comes to feelings

- Secretly likes Roxy

- He often gets mistaken as a rude spoiled brat

- Illegally adopted (don't tell Freddy that the papers are fake! Roxy & Monty were at charge getting the papers)

- Never really had a good role model or parental figure before Freddy

- Used to visit the restaurant Freddie's parents own

- Pulls pranks on Chica and Monty or tricks them into doing something (mainly when he's bored)

- Often has nightmares

- Future engineering student

[noitkot1]

The Entity Headcannons P5

It’s going to be more focused on The Entity and how it relates to this “weak point in the worlds,” Grian has been speaking of. But trust me, there’s a lot more, I just wanna stick with the title.

MOTHER OF ALL GRIANS AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Grian mentioned something coming out of the rift. This could refer to the future, or something that has already appeared out of it. Stuff could be spilling out of it. Hence: The Entity! It was one of the first things to spill out of this portal. One of the first things which got pulled to a lone time ago. It doesn’t understand it either, but hey, there’s some players around to mind control pog.

The more people who have come into contact with The Entity, the less they’re questioning it. It’s just a thing there. Just a cool shop project and theme Grian is working with this season. When its going to be moving to the new shopping district, people question where, and how exactly Grian plans to move it. Good thing The Entity’s heart can take its blue goopy self and stick to the side of his arm whilst Grian takes a quick flight over.

The Entity was just vibing on the server. Been there for many years, living peacefully as a peddle flowing down the river. Then suddenly the hermits with all their godly hermits spawn in and it is quite terrifying. It first meets Grian of who instantly asks it to be apart of his shop. He’s looking to scare some hermits this season! Start: The Entity and Grian going around, being spooky and putting on literally horror stories for non-godly hermits.

I just wanted to put a picture of The Entity with its cute little bowtie and it from the top. Its such a lovely build. I adore it. Plus the blocks used honestly might refer to deeper caves/the area where deepslate and stone meet if we wanna start talking about where this shell/boulder/rock comes from in terms of the seed/earth/planet/server.

Around the server, Grian’s discovered... odd areas. Stuff player made, but none of the other players see to claim to have created. Following the bread crumbs these books and old, rickety areas left, it led him to a pile of blue goop lying within the caves under spawn, contained in a broken cage underneath the homes of the scientist. This is when he hears The Entity’s heartbeat and its installed to the top of the rock. There it will be safe. No one on Hermitcraft would ever maliciously grief or damage a shop. But these homes and labs lead him to more, obviously very, very old in technology and science standards. “The Entity came from the magical halo within a cave.” Grian discovers from another crumbling structure some 100 blocks away from spawn. Huh. What could that mean.

It shed its form. Like snails do with their shells! Its central part is the heart and the water around it, and it likes staying next to water since it can spread its influence on the land through the water quickly. Everything has started and came from the water afterall. The heart always stays beating though, no matter what Grian did to it when it glued itself to his arm in the cave.

The old scientists are very old, and apart of Grian regrets this being a blind world. One that wasn’t looked up by Xisuma and the hermits to make sure everything was okay. ( Of course that didn’t prevent the moon crash. ) And there is something wrong with this world, and this entity has something to do with it. He goes on with the research, and he made the entity into a shop for “its easier to study, Scar!” Maybe he’s a bit paranoid after the moon, or after the watchers, and maybe he has reason to be scared as he shelves another rotting book.

[gunterfan1992]

Episode Review: ‘Wizard City’ (Distant Lands, Ep. 4)

Airdate: September 2, 2021

Story by: Adam Muto, Jack Pendarvis, Kate Tsang, Hanna K. Nyström, & Charley Feldman

Storyboarded by: Maya Petersen, Hanna K. Nyström, Anna Syvertsson, & Aleks Sennwald, & Haewon Lee

Directed by: Miki Brewster & Jeff Liu (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

An episode focusing on Peppermint Butler’s dark side is something that the fandom has craved ever since the little guy demanded Finn and Jake’s flesh in season two’s “Death in Bloom.” While installments like season five’s “The Suitor” and season six’s “Nemesis” did much to scratch that itch, the story of the Dark One remained mostly unknown…

And after “Wizard City,” it still remains largely unknown. But that’s OK, because instead of focusing on the character’s history, this special focuses on Peps’ quest to relearn magic at a magic school. Put most simply, this special is largely a fun excuse for the show to riff on Harry Potter and The Owl House-style “magic school hijinks,” and it mostly all works.

The special follows Peps quest to go to WizArts (a definite play on CalArts, the school that Pen Ward and Adam Muto, among many others, went to) so that he can relearn magic and once again become one of the greatest dark wizards of his time. Initially, Peps tries to make friends with cool kid Spader and his posse, but once they learn that Peps is not as talented at magic as they had initially thought, they kick him to the curb. It is at this point that Cadebra, Abracadaniel’s adorkable niece who is fascinated with stage magic, enters the picture. Cadebra tries everything in her power to befriend Peps, but Peps pushes back, since she’s not “cool.” It does not matter, though, because both Peps and Cadebra are sorted into the same “house”—the “Skink House—and are forced to work together.

While Peps and his cohort begin learning more and more complex magic, a secret cult of school professors, led by the otherwise caring Dr. Caledonius, are scheming to resurrect Coconteppi, a powerful dark wizard whose putrid heart has been discovered underneath the school excreting a very powerful ichor. The school cult kidnaps Spader and gives him some of the ichor to drink; they hope that because of his talent, he will be able to house the spirit of Coconteppi. This does not go as planned, and Spader is graphically killed (albeit off screen). (In a more humorous moment, Bufo, the scam wizard from season one’s “Wizard,” also ingests some of the ichor, believing himself powerful enough to handle it, but it kills him.)

Eventually Peps and Cadebra learn what is going on. Dr. Caledonius welcomes Peps, believing that he is strong enough to handle the ichor. When Cadebra’s life is put in danger, Peps reluctantly gives the putrid fluid a swig, which infuses him with the power of Coconteppi. Coconteppi-Peps then kills all the cult members before Cadebra manages to remove the ichor from Peps body. For uncovering a heinous plot, Peps is promoted to the highest house, “Salamander,” but he decides to remain a Skink and learn magic “the hard way” with Cadebra as his friend.

As I mentioned near the start of this review, “Wizard City” spends most of its time riffing on the “magic boarding school” trope, with much of the episode feeling like a light-hearted parody of Harry Potter: The characters, after all, are “sorted” into “houses,” they learn various types of magic from skilled “professors,” and they bunk in different parts of a large castle-like campus. Of course, Harry Potter didn’t invent the idea of a boarding school, but when setting your story in a school for magic, it is very hard not to lean at least somewhat into the Hogwarts relation. And this really is a double-edged sword, for while Harry Potter references can be fun here and there, they can also make the overall story feel like a fanfic parody. This special does a good job focusing more so on the characters rather than the setting, but I won’t lie, at times it did feel as if they show was really trying to make you realize it was making a Harry Potter joke.

Of all the characters introduced in the special, the breakout star is easily Cadebra, voiced by Chloe Coleman. Radiating a sort of Mabel Pines energy, Cadebra is the beam of optimism who shines brightly in an otherwise macabre special. There is something about her plucky personality and sense of wacky individualism that charms the viewer. I appreciate how the show compared and contrasted her with her uncle, the one and only Abracadaniel: like her uncle, Cadebra is a good person who wants to help others, but unlike Abracadaniel, she has a sense of courage and fortitude that results in her taking on a Coconteppi-possessed Peps at the episode’s climax. (Say what you will, Abracadaniel stans, but our favorite custodian would never have done that!) Thanks to her bravery and dedication to Peps, Cadebra is easily the heart of the special.

The episode throws an interesting little curveball into the mix by having the ‘ghost’ of Past Peppermint Butler constantly haunt Peps in the here-and-now. Past Peppermint, it seems, was so determined to become a great wizard, he cursed himself, so that if anything were to go awry, his Past self could materialize and set him straight. It’s confusing, but I do think that mixing the “overbearing parent” trope with a curse is a clever idea; it gives the whole special some dramatic heft. The whole setup is made even funnier by the special’s conclusion: After Future Peppermint Butler is ‘defeated’ and the day is saved, Peps reveals to Cadebra that he still wants to be a great and powerful dark wizard… but he wants to earn that power through hard work and determination. (Peppermint Butler might commune with demons, but he would never sell his soul to one for power; Glob helps those who help themselves, ya know?)

One of the special’s strongest points is its background art. Adventure Time always had some beautiful set pieces, and this special goes above and beyond to give WizArts an ancient sense of grandeur and mystery. Ghostshrimp, a freelance artist who was the show’s lead background designer during seasons 1-4, return for this special as a “visual developer”—basically, he mocked up a bunch of rough designs for the locales, and then the episode’s background artists worked up the final pieces in his style. On his podcast, Ghostshrimp mentioned how hectic he found Adventure Time to be, because he was used to taking his time on pieces. As such, the decision to bring him on for just development was smart, as it allowed him to still come up with iconic background designs while also playing fast and loose with everything. Hopefully the show will continue this approach with the Fionna and Cake miniseries that is coming up. After all, Ghosthsrimp’s style is the look of Adventure Time.

Another strong point for the episode is its voice acting. For one thing, you have your regulars like Tom Kenny and Dana Snyder, and Duncan Trussell, who all give a solid performance. But to voice many of the special’s new characters, the show brought on a bevy of fun actors: Saturday Night Live’s Bill Hader, for instance, is now voicing Bufo, and he does a solid job hamming up his role as the old fogey. And then there’s Toks Olagundoye, whose British accent gives Dr. Caledonius a sense of knowledge and expertise. To my delight and surprise, SungWon Cho, an internet personality and voice actor perhaps better known as ProZD, was tapped to voice Brain Wizard, and he does an excellent job. And finally, Anthony Stewart Head, a very talented actor who I know best as Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, voices Con Wizard, and is even given a fun little ditty to sing. I can safely say that the voice acting in this special is likely the best of the bunch, and it’s obvious that the actors were all having a great time playing their parts.

What drags the whole thing down, in my opinion is the excessive murder. (I joked on Twitter that during the climax of “Wizard City,” it felt like I was watching an Adventure Time-ified version of Invincible!) Infused with the power of Coconteppi, Peps goes on a brutal killing spree, boiling Potable Wizard into steam, zapping Dimension Wizard into another plane of existence, smashing Berdzerd, and—perhaps most graphically—excerebrates (had to look that word up!) Brain Wiz. On Twitter, @sometipsygnostalgic​ argued that while, yes, the scene is startling, it does wonders to transmute “a poor Summer Camp Island knockoff [into] Adventure Time chaos.” The more I think about it, the more I think that’s a fair point; after all, this is hardly the first dark thing that has happened in Adventure Time. But the part that I cannot really stomach is the fact that Spader was murdered for no real reason, and the special ends without anyone really expressing their horror at the situation. Sure, Spader was a schoolyard bully, but he was also a child. And killing a child—either for the drama or the lulz—feels decidedly out of place in an Adventure Time episode. It’s hard to express, but it just felt unnecessarily nihilistic and mean-spirited.

All things considered, I think this was a fun episode, but it was somewhat underwhelming for a ‘finale.’ Much of this is because it had to air after the perfection that was the back-to-back “Obsidian”/”Together Again” wombo combo. But I can’t help but feel like this special just felt a little... off. A little too meanspirited, and it leaned a bit too much on standard tropes. Still, it was a fun spin, and I know that I’ll rewatch it.

Mushroom War Evidence: As Peps rides the bus to school, he passes a bunch of abandoned houses, some of which are buried in the ground. There is an unexploded bomb above the fossilized elephant in the school. Cadebra has a dream that takes place in the ruins of a city.

Final Grade: B+

[love-takes-work]

When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

[enderwalking]

re: endersmile, i'm very much in the belief that things like the community house, handing over of the book, and keeping of the disc were trust exercises in a way, both ways. they're both very guarded people, so it'd make sense that they'd need to test each other out before committing to the larger portion of the plan. if enderboo was the one to suggest the community house like you pointed out, then that'd be dream risking something dear to him, the largest symbol of the server's past 1/7

His past, the symbolic Commitment to the plan, lose the past for their shared ideal future. meanwhile enderboo handing over his book is like him baring his neck in exchange, back then the book was the only lifeline ranboo rly had w the everchanging politics/relations/events, to lose it would be losing himself. and i think the traitor reveal was planned, a way to distance them in the server's minds, fully knowing the risk of execution (one that dream and punz could easily stop like hog hunt, and we know ranboo's opinions on dying for a cause he believes in, especially if petty bc jfc he hated how nlm was). the supplying of tnt was likely as simple as "i want this place Gone, let me help" from enderboo, bc we hear from ranboo how he was onboard w its destrunction, that it was inevitable and was likely for the best. the disc holding is described by the voice as a secret exchange in the nether, one of them having gotten the disc from skeppy beforehand(happyduo is very involved in their shit at key points, its interesting), and this one For Sure is a trust exercise since dream could've easily hidden it elsewhere or had it in his e-chest but instead he gave it to enderboo to hide until he needed it back, and after retreiving it he even left a lil thank you note. ranboo's main concern when finding it was the horror of doing so unknowingly and not wanting to believe it, but then it was feeling in danger from Others finding out, not dream, he was worried for his, phil, and techno's safety bc he knows the lengths people(tommy, namely) will go to for the discs, for the power they hold on some people. i think from then on they had their bond Solid, dream letting enderboo into the disc finale rehearsals and all, enderboo quickly visiting prison over and over, dream and his clock tantrum arc and wanting to send a message to ranboo above even george, enderboo's eager response to the message in a way that seemed to mock his forgetful self. not to mention how i think that enderboo was expecting to have a big reveal in disc finale(-points at Mask of My Own Face-), but dream being dream chose to protect him instead(an ongoing trend of his that i hold dearly) by taking the community house blame, which confused enderboo as shown by the staring and his notes from the finale. i care they and their fucked up plans that they Somehow keep getting away w -Soul (apologizes for the sudden ask essay lmao, i have terminal endersmile brainrot its a problem -Soul)

DO NOT APOLOGIZE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS IN FACT terminal endersmile brainrot is a constant on the lei enderwalking blog and i am delighted to share it

i completely agree wrt the whole trust exercises thing, and that is such a fantastic take on my mostly-silly theory/headcanon about the community house explosion that i'm adopting it immediately omg. i think the only thing i don't fully agree with in this is that i really don't think that ranboo was ever meant to be revealed in the finale? i've talked before about how ranboo's alliance with dream is one that is played extremely close to the chest, like i don't think there was any way that he would've exposed that in front of 90% of the server. in my mind, the eye contact was something very different, it was more about an unspoken signal like, "this is all according to plan, you know this. we both know what needs to happen next."

only semi-related tangent, but it's interesting the context in which dream does finally reveal information connecting himself to ranboo, i.e. to sam in the prison. dream told sam about ranboo in the midst of attempting to destroy sam's entire worldview, and it was a very spiteful, targeted reveal of information, like he was saying, "this is the person you wrote off as just a meek hostage, as just collateral damage, and yet this is the person who shook the control you so desperately grasped for. what does that say about people? what does that say about you?" and yet even in revealing ranboo's actions, he still holds back. he doesn't give any details as to why or how the prison tnt happened, he doesn't give any context to why or how ranboo is working with him, it's just an isolated bit of information, given only after dream has already made sure of the limits of sam's knowledge on ranboo overall. and this is speculation, but just based on how dream is and on the nature of his and ranboo's relationship, i don't think dream would have revealed anything if he wasn't fully confident that there would be no chance of sam retaliating against ranboo in the future. obviously at this point ranboo is already dead so he was less at risk, but more than that, i think it shows that dream was absolutely Determined to intimidate and break sam down to the point where he wouldn't dare.